What happens when the pastor's wife is off? I don't mean off, like spending the day at the beach sunbathing. I mean off, like has lost her game...her mojo...her sanity. What happens when the pastor's wife is off? What does it look like?
1. It looks like depression. It looks like she literally can't force herself off of the couch, even if she wanted to. No one else may be able to see it. Afterall, it is her job to put that pretty smile on and walk into the church building acting like all is well with the world. But, in the back of her mind, she is counting down the minutes until the church service will be over. She is counting down the people standing in line to talk with her husband after services. She is counting down the events/committees that she has to work with, before she gets a breather. It looks like depression.
2. It looks like chaos. Her home isn't organized, her thoughts aren't organized, her marriage is...well...not lovely, her kids are crazy children running around like she had just fed them 20 boxes of Nerds with red dye. Nothing is as it seems. But, she will try her hardest to not let that show to anyone else. She will try to make it seem as though she has it all together. Few will know....that it looks like chaos.
3. It looks unholy. Her relationship with the Lord is failing. She is struggling bringing herself to even read her daily devotions, but because she has told everyone else they should over the years, she makes herself do it. She wishes that there were not 27 verses to every worship song, and sitting through a sermon is like taking an 8 hour class on how dental floss is helpful to your teeth. She is focused more on her job, and not her one true love...Christ. It looks unholy.
I wrote this blog during a brief time of "darkness". Unfortunately, I find that I go through times like this, more often than I should. I think we all do, but because we hate for others to see who we REALLY are, we pretend that we are happy, organized, and holy. In reality, we are just a big mess, in need of a loving, and marvelous Savior. On our own, we fall into despair, but with the Lord we can walk out of valleys and let Him shine. Because let's admit it, Pastor's Wives are like every other woman out there...dull. We are dark, dim and dull on our own, but can shine with the best of them when allowing Christ to burst through our hearts.