His love still amazes me...

I guess that I can't get over how Big our God is. Some would say that God is not a loving God since He allowed the smallest of children to die. I say that He is a loving God because He provides when those horrible things happen. He allowed me to receive a book the week I conceived, knowing that this would be the end result. The book was about going through trials. He put the idea into a friends head to send the book. Isnt that the mark of a Provider?

I guess I have and am learning so many lessons right now. How to be held once again...How to keep pushing on and endure the trial...How to grieve in a Godly way...How to trust my Lord...How to love my husband...and How to love my children just a little more. Trials are not designed to break us. They are designed to make us and mold us into wonderful creatures that can fully please our God. One quote that I read that has stuck in my head is this: "Perserverance is not a passive submission to circumstances-it is a strong and active response to the difficult events of life. It is not passive endurance, but the quality of standing on your feet as you face the storms. It is not simply the attitude of withstanding trials, but the ability to turn them into GLORY, to overcome them."

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Baby is not going to make it...

For those of you dear friends who check this blog, I just wanted to send a short word and let you know that our sweet baby is not going to make it. Today we had our 3rd ultrasound. We learned that it had not grown, and there was not a heartbeat. My uterus is measuring in between 8-9 weeks. The baby stopped growing around 6 weeks... We will wait to see what happens, hoping to avoid a D&C but might not have a choice. Right now, they are letting us just wait it out. Thank you all for the prayers and thoughts...I am sorry if I am not real talky right now, just needing to keep all my sanity for this weekend. I really want the kids to have a great weekend, and I want to be able to share some good time with my extended family as I never get to see them. I am very grateful for the lessons that God has been teaching me. He knew exactly what I would need...exactly when I would need it. He is a Great Provider like that...

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OOOOOOOHHHHH ANNNNNNNDDDDDDDD......

Guess what???? It is allllllllmmmmmmmooooosstttttttttt CHRISTMAS! YIPEEEEEE My favorite time of the year! Only 10 days till we get to put the tree up! And next week will be a lot of fun with Thanksgiving. I am really looking forward to it this year. I have a lot to be thankful for. I will make sure that I post my Thankful list this week! But, tonight, I am THRILLED that it is nearly the season!

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Little Sparkler...

So this really is not a very good picture, but I wanted to share our little sparkler with you. And dont pay any attention to the fact that you can see my shadows on it! It is major glossy and taking a picture of a picture always deems itself a strange feat!

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Humbled...

I have a pretty amazing God. Shared this in my last post. But, I have been so convicted this past week over my initial response to hardship. A dear friend of mine from Hannahs Prayer (Ebeth!) sent me a wonderful book in the mail in October. It is called "Finding God's path Through Your Trials." By Elizabeth George. Well, at least I think that is what it is called. (the book is in our bedroom where Brian is sleeping and I dont want to wake him up to double check ;) ) Anyhow, God has used this book in many ways.

A couple of things that I have really learned are this:

---Character is only developed in someone who perseveres through trials. Character can NOT be obtained on the short cut path. You can not try to manipulate your way through trials...and think that you will have the blessings of lessons learned in the end. It just doesnt work this way. You must GO THROUGH the trial...whether it be small like a confrontation that needs to be handled in a godly fashion or big like the death of a loved one. And it is not enough to actually make it through the trial, but you must go through it with God's Grace...not stumbling and standing with your face to the storm, saying my GOD IS BIGGER THAN THIS TRIAL...AND HE WILL PREVAIL...Thus I will too!

---Pain...we get so caught up in what we see as pain...we see something that is not easy...or comfortable, and we quit. I see it all the time. WE QUIT. "Things are not going how I like it, so I decide I dont want to do this..." We are a selfish people arent we? If God calls you to do something...for me the calling at the time is carrying a sweet baby that might not live...then we do it to the best of our abilities, RIGHT? Too many times we say, "Aahhh I am tired, I will take care of it later...I will deal with this emotion later...blah blah blah." Why not now? Why not do what God has for you to do now...go through the trial even if it hurts. God is calling you to do so! He is requiring it. And guess what? If we (I) fail, then I have to just go through the test again. So, why not just understand that this is the path that He has for me right now, and walk it...with His hand? I am learning this. Sounds simple...but oh so hard. Oh, and here is a quote from the book! "We get caught up in the pain, anguish, or bother of the moment. Instead, we need to see them as God's way of making us better, more stable women, wives, mothers, daughters, grandmothers, employees, and church workers." This is my goal...to be a Stable Woman...I do not wake up each day saying that I want to be a woman who can waver...a woman who lacks faith...I need to wake up each day, realizing that there will be trials. Whether it be a bill that might not get paid, a sick child, a friend in trouble, or the possibilty of loosing yet another baby...something will be in my path. My job, is to stay on that path...walk through it. And look back at the end of the day giving the glory to my Creator who knows exactly what to put into my path.

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Not quite a Firecracker...

More of a Sparkler right now...

Wee Baby Shaw is taking it's time growing. Today we found out that our numbers did not double. This doesnt mean that we have no hope, just that we have to trust God a little more in what His plans are instead! We will have an ultrasound tommorow to tell how things are progressing. Hoping to come back and give you great news!

Here are a few REALLY cool ways that God was with me today though...

1. As I was sorting laundry (doing that frantic cleaning thing just to keep busy!) all of these awesome verses started popping into my head. At that instant, I remembered that the ladies from Hannah's Prayer were praying that God would be near me. And He was. And it was awesome!

2. As I was getting the laundry out of the dryer...yes still doing laundry lol...I saw someone at the door. I didnt want to open it because I was still in my sweats and had not done my hair, but I did anyhow. And low and behold...a darling lady and her hubby from our church had sent me flowers. Not just any flowers...but Gerber Daisies...which are my favorites! And not just any Gerber Daisies, but Pink ones...cause she and I are secretly hoping for a little girl. ;) God was an awesome God again by using one of His servants to put a smile on my face.

3. And my finally...tonight I was struggling for Abbie and Isaac. Abbie is so excited that I am pregnant. Tonight she wrote me a note saying, "I am so hape that you or pragnat mom". Made me laugh. (and think...man I need to be teaching her better! lol) Anyhow..she and Isaac were going to have to go with us to the ultrasound tommorow. I was worried that we would hear bad news, and she would be devestated. We really didnt have any options as far as a babysitter since everyone in our church is sick and I dont want to burden them or get us sick! So, I was getting ready to ask for prayers for Abs and Isaac...when an idea came to my mind... I remembered that Sara, a dear friend of mine, works for the same network that my dr is in. On a whim, I called her to see what time she got off. She got off an hour later than my appointment. BUT, my big God worked something out...she just HAPPENS to be on float at that office tommorow! Seriously! She will be able to watch the kids in the waiting room for me. Now, tell me what an AWESOME God that I have. I think pretty BIG AWESOME.

So, even if our firecracker/sparkler is heavenbound, I know that my Father has it all under control. He took care of today...He will take care of tommorow, and all the rests of my tommorows...Tell me, Isn't He awesome?

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Announcing:

A new Baby Shaw is on the way...

We were hesitant to announce this for 2 reasons. 1. being that we have some dear friends and family that are still trying for thier sweet ones, and we hurt so badly for them. 2. we did not want to announce anything until the Dr said that everything was looking good! And today she did! :)

As of today, the Dr puts me due around July4th!!! Seriously! For those of you that know me, you know that I am a huge American fan. I am full of Patriotism through and through (and no...that doesnt mean that I am a fan of the "Patriots" but that I love America. ;) ) So, it means alot to have a sweet one due around that time.

So please join us in prayer and praise for our 3rd earth bound wee one.

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